Adil Rashid gets a phone call from Geoff Miller and Andy Flower

Hello Adil - Geoff Miller and Andy Flower here.  How are you...?

What's that?  You just bowled the Lions to a win?  That's lovely.  Forgot that's why you're over in the Caribbean.  Have you had a nice winter...?

Played a bit of T20 for South Australia in the Big Bash, did you?  Very nice.  Get on okay...?

Won the tournament?  Smashing.  Suppose you picked up a few wickets here and there...?

Lots? That's good to hear....

No, we didn't realise you'd started bowling an off-break as another variation to go with your googly and your slider...

No, we didn't know you'd gotten comfortable with taking the new ball...

No, to be honest we were just pretty busy winning the Ashes.  Sorry about that.

So here's a proposition for you, Adil.  How would you like to fly 9000 miles to join us in Sri Lanka...?

No, not to play in the quarter-final exactly.  We were thinking more that you could sit in the dressing room like you did on all your previous tours.  You remember, don't you?  If we make it to the semi then maybe we'd ask you to carry some drinks, but even if we don't you'd be able to join the team for the flight back to England, which will be a laugh.

What do you say, Adil...?

England in Bangladesh: Captain Cook’s voyage of discovery

A version of this article appeared in The Cambridge Student in February 2010

England need to convince KP that he is still “the nuts.”

The England cricket team’s tour of Bangladesh gets going in earnest this Sunday with a one-day international in Dhaka. England would be disappointed to come away with anything less than a clean sweep of the three ODIs and two Tests they are scheduled to play over the next few weeks, though you won’t hear any of the team management declaring that openly. Their ECB-media-coached utterances will mention a lot of balls in good areas, game plans to be stuck to and tough challenges to be met, though the odd patronising remark about the paucity of golf courses in the neighbourhood is bound to slip through now and then.

Virender Sehwag does things a little differently. On the eve of the first Test of India’s recent tour of Bangladesh, Sehwag was asked by a journalist about the chances of an upset. His response? “Bangladesh are an ordinary side. They can't beat India because they can't take 20 wickets.” When Bangladesh bowled India out for 243 the following day, Sehwag was briefly left looking foolish, but in the end his analysis proved to be accurate. Arrogant, perhaps, but Sehwag’s approach to press conferences is just the natural extension of his refreshingly no-nonsense approach to batting.

So let’s think Sehwagologically about the series ahead. England care so little about this tour that they have decided to rest their captain, Andrew Strauss, their best bowler, Jimmy Anderson, and their best drinks-carrier, Adil Rashid. I’m not sure I agree with these decisions but some good may come of each of them.

Memo to England: boring one-day cricketers make one-day cricket boring

Sometimes, if you hang on to your unfashionable opinions for long enough, you suddenly find your views are back en vogue. English cricket finds itself in this happy predicament at present. One-Day Internationals? Just not the Real Thing. Not worth bothering too much about - a chance to groom future Test players (regardless of whether they’ve shown any limited overs pedigree domestically), to groom future Test captains (regardless of whether they merit a place in the one-day side) and to take punts on bits and pieces county pros in the hope that they might become the next Ian Botham. England have not had a world class ODI side since 1992, and have only pretended to care out of politeness to the rest of the world.

Now, however, they’ve been joined by a chorus of players and administrators across the globe, all singing the same song. The “primacy of Test match cricket” is paramount, I hear them chanting - a familiar old tune. Ironically, it’s the ECB’s creation of an even shorter form of the game that’s led to this sudden increase in its airtime. Personally, I’ve long been a believer that there’s too much ODI cricket played each year. Bilateral series could be reduced in length, the Champion’s Trophy could easily be scrapped, and the format of the World Cup altered to shorten its duration. But scrap ODIs altogether? That’s surely a bit much. It’s a format that has produced – and continues to produce – great matches and great entertainment for spectators, as well as great financial reward for administrators. The 50-over World Cup is still the single prize that means the most to cricket fans outside England and Australia.

Would Rashid be a rash choice for the Oval Test?

Is it time for Ramps’ last dance, or is Key needed to unlock England’s middle order problems? Does either of these contenders deserve to overtake the fast-rising Trott? As far as shoring up England’s batting is concerned, the drastic suggestions - and bad tabloid headlines - have been coming thick and fast. Some have even proposed a one-stop shop at Tresco, causing the poor man to wake up in a cold sweat at the very thought.

As far as I’m concerned, however, England’s real problem lies elsewhere. None of the four first class matches played at the Oval so far this year have yielded a positive result, with rain interruptions to blame on only one of those occasions. Surrey Chief Executive Paul Sheldon has declared that his groundsman Bill Gordon will not be “cooking the books” to help England and intends to produce a traditional hard, flat Oval wicket. England’s real problem, then, is how to take twenty wickets; the composition of the bowling attack should be the chief topic of discussion when the selectors convene.